Today has pushed my positivity to a breaking point. I’ve been through the ringer since I first found out about having a brain tumor. I’ve stayed positive, and I’ve felt great about all of the decisions. Today I went to my plastic surgeon appointment to discuss follow-up from my eye surgery. I had surgery on my eye to put a weight in the eyelid to make it easier to close. Today marked the 6 week mark since that surgery. I have since had Covid and had a big fall. And, I have remained positive. Today, I sat in the appointment hearing more detailed descriptions of further surgeries to correct damage of my face after losing a facial nerve with the tumor surgery. The doctor had briefed us previously on those possibilities. Today he went into detail and it was not appealing or positive to me in any way. Most of the options require long all day surgeries and they would require going into my skull again and at least three incisions, calling in an ENT consult, and an overnight stay in the hospital to name a few of the negatives. We were not previously made aware of these particulars, so surprised and disappointed would kindly describe my feelings. All of this to help me smile again and maybe make be able to be a bit less critical each time I look in the mirror or take a picture of myself. The reasons for these next surgery options seem to be strictly for visual purposes only. They are more than cosmetic in what they entail, but the purpose would be to make me feel better about myself, I’m assuming. No one wants to say it is to make me look better, but that is the purpose. The doctor kept telling me that I’m young and the timing for successful surgery is of the essence. He couldn’t really recommend a procedure. He just laid out the 5 options and said he would call in a few weeks to see if I have more questions leaving me to ponder, research, and cry. So, basically to fix my face and to smile again I would need to repeat basically what I have just come through, and I’m not ready for that.