More Than Just A Story! Using paint to tell my story and using words to tell other stories along the way.
Artist and Author Website
This is a fun mini I painted tonight after dinner. I’m off dish duty since having surgery, so I had a bit of time to get out some different paints and dive in. I’m happy with this color combination. It reminds me of the 80’s classic preppy colors. It was a happy time, so the colors make me happy. I called it what I did because the colors brought some 80’s tunes to mind.
This litttle guy is what I made time for today. It is a little acrylic that hasn’t been sprayed yet, but I show it here because it is what I spent time painting today. It isn’t perfect. It is quite small and painted in acrylic. Using acrylics are different than painting in oils. I prefer painting beaches in oil because of how the paint works. ( But, I wasn’t up for the mess involved with oils today.) Oils stay wet and allow for great blending of colors. I painted this one because I have been sketching so many shores lately that it was time for some paint and color. I love painting and sketching shores. The way the water touches the sand and foams is mesmerizing to me, as well as how the waves build and crash. That changes the way the water looks and moves. I find that fascfinating too. I have spent so much time walking up and down shores memorizing how it acts so that recreating it on canvas and paper has become second nature. I also have more than enough videos of it in my phone. I love painting water of any kind—beaches, streams, ponds, and lakes. The reflecfions on water of any kind even puddles is another fascination of mine. It is those subtle touches and details that make a piece of art come alive. I like to make people notice in a painting what they may in real life overlook.
That is what I worry about when I write these posts. “Will someone reading think I’m being self-indulgent?” But, the truth is I don’t have much of an audience to worry about. Also, I write for me. I share with others to be vulnerable and because I like doing so. I like deciding what to write about and deciding what pictures best explain the topic. I incorporate my art because it is such a part of my life. It plays into how I think about life. My art is much more meaningful than one might assume just by looking at the pieces. I try to share some of that here. I choose to invite others along on the journey by sharing these writings. Hopefully anyone reading will learn a little more about me, my art, and my journey. Thanks for following along.
I just had to sit down this evening to paint these little guys before dinner. I didn’t have time, but I made time. Creating is something I enjoy, so I make time. When I finish any creative activity, I feel accomplished. These are very small abstract pieces, but they make me happy. Making time to do things I love is something I think is very important, like hiking, writing, running, and creating. It helps my mind and my heart and my soul. I feel like I have done something. There is nothing like a great photograph taken on a beautiful hike or run or drive, a simple little pencil sketch or a mini abstract.. That is what I call making time. I experience the ‘flow” and I contribute something creative to put out into the world. I call it my making time because I’m creating and making things, but it also makes me. It makes me less anxious, less worrried, less fearful and more hopeful and peaceful and grateful. So, may you make time too.
This a quick little sketch or scribble of one of my favorite hikes.
I was on the phone with a friend last night and she asked me that question as our conversation wound down. I use the above sketch to make the point of the take away here. And, by take away, she meant what have I learned from what I’ve been through. I’d say I’ve eased up on my perfectionism. For one, there isn’t time in life to waste trying to meet some unreachable standard. And like sketching isn’t meant to be a masterpiece, but a quick pencil image. Two, I’m not the person I was. I don’t see things the way I used to, literally and figuratively. And thirdly, life is beautiful as is without me trying to change it up, make it better or cleaner, or more “perfect”. And, this has been easier because it is impossible to change some things I have going on. I practice these concepts with my little sketches too. I know they aren’t perfect or even correct, but I do them and I save them and I post them.. They all have a purpose, perfect or not. And so I practice with my art what I’m learning in life. Just like my little mini sketches, each moment is perfect as is, as well. I’m leaning into that truth these days.
That is what I called this little mini. I wrote a bit about it on Instagram tonight too. I had to paint this little guy today. I needed to express myself in paint. Then, I thought I might need to express myself using words too. I’ve still been in a funk since that last doctor’s appointment. Yesterday I also went to a camper/RV show. The reason that has relevance here is that I had to climb into every RV that I wanted to see. Many of them had multiple stairs and no hand rails. For Mandy 1.0 before surgery that would not have mattered. But for someone like I am now with only one contact and no facial nerve and post surgery balance issues, it was a challenge, both physically and mentally. We went with friends too, so it was a challenge to my ego, as well. It was so hard letting them see me in this condition. I was embarrassed, to say the least. I didn’t like how I looked or how I maneuvered around the show. I felt weak and handicapped the whole time. And, I haven’t been able to shake this disappointing feeling after that appointment and then the show. Jack has tried to make me feel better by calling me Mandy 2.0. He says this because Mandy 1.0 is no longer here, but Mandy 2.0 is. There are changes with this edition. There are things to get used to because things are different. There is a learning curve. I think once I get used to this update, I’m going to like who I’ve become.
I paint these little pieces because I can do them quickly and I do not worry about what to do with them when I am finished. Painting for me is joy giving and peace inducing. I relax into the flow and time flies. These minis give me practice. With each piece, my abstract style develops more. Practice doesn’t care whether it is big or small.
My abstract style with all the lines is not a style I chose, but one that just developed. Art imiitates life. I’m learning this in real life each and every day. Sometimes our lives don’t go exactly as we plan, sometimes they develop, and we have no choice, but to go with the flow. My painting style is my style. It is simple and straight forward and brightly colored. The only way I have contributed to this continued style is by picking up my brush and choosing the colors. The style appears as I but brush to canvas. My life too will continue as I have faith to walk each step one foot in front of the other holding onto hope and peace along the way. God Only Knows!
Here is a mini sketch of fa rocky shore.
Well, for one reason sketching challenges me. The process is often in reverse from painting. Sketching in black and white pushes me, limits me, and stretches me. That is why I do it. I’m not an expert. I don’t spend more than 10 minutes on a sketch. Most take about 5. I can be a perfectionist, so this eliminates that possibility. I post my pics here and Instagram not to show them off, but to hold myself accountable and to practice creating for myself and for no one else. If no one likes them, all the better. These pieces are for fun, practice, and lessons in creating for myself with no concern as to whether others like or comment. This is a challenge for sure for someone who thrives on encouragement and kudos
I usually have a word for the year. It is based in prayer and becomes some what of a life theme for the year . This year my word is “lean”. It kind of come to me out of nowhere, but I liked it and it made sense. “Lean” means to rest for support. I also remembered the scripture Proverbs 3:5-6. “Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding..” I want to lean away from fear and into love. A few months ago I used a walker, and I’ve grabbed onto Jack’s arm quite a bit lately, so I get the concept of leaning onto for support like never before. I am also learning to place my trust in others with a little more ease. I’m a learner and a researcher, so leaning on others for advice and decisions does not come easy to me. I ‘m learning to let go and trust more than pre-surgery. Waiting in the hospital for 7 days with hydrocephalus and a brain tumor waiting for surgery gave me no choice but to lean, to trust and to totally surrender. So having “lean” be my word has already been helpful just 21 days into 2022, especially after my appointment yesterday.
Today has pushed my positivity to a breaking point. I’ve been through the ringer since I first found out about having a brain tumor. I’ve stayed positive, and I’ve felt great about all of the decisions. Today I went to my plastic surgeon appointment to discuss follow-up from my eye surgery. I had surgery on my eye to put a weight in the eyelid to make it easier to close. Today marked the 6 week mark since that surgery. I have since had Covid and had a big fall. And, I have remained positive. Today, I sat in the appointment hearing more detailed descriptions of further surgeries to correct damage of my face after losing a facial nerve with the tumor surgery. The doctor had briefed us previously on those possibilities. Today he went into detail and it was not appealing or positive to me in any way. Most of the options require long all day surgeries and they would require going into my skull again and at least three incisions, calling in an ENT consult, and an overnight stay in the hospital to name a few of the negatives. We were not previously made aware of these particulars, so surprised and disappointed would kindly describe my feelings. All of this to help me smile again and maybe make be able to be a bit less critical each time I look in the mirror or take a picture of myself. The reasons for these next surgery options seem to be strictly for visual purposes only. They are more than cosmetic in what they entail, but the purpose would be to make me feel better about myself, I’m assuming. No one wants to say it is to make me look better, but that is the purpose. The doctor kept telling me that I’m young and the timing for successful surgery is of the essence. He couldn’t really recommend a procedure. He just laid out the 5 options and said he would call in a few weeks to see if I have more questions leaving me to ponder, research, and cry. So, basically to fix my face and to smile again I would need to repeat basically what I have just come through, and I’m not ready for that.
“In Living Color” is the title of this little mini I painted this morning. I’ve enjoyed painting and sketching minis because when I’m finished I don’t worry about where I will put them or who might buy them. They are strictly done for fun. They are practice, and they are joy. When I paint, time stands still and all my busy and anxious thoughts cease. I’m in the flow. That is what “they” call it. I’ve recently enjoyed sketching in black and white too though. It has been a lesson and a learning curve because some of the process is in reverse. I had to get back to color today though. I thrive in and with color. It brings me joy and happiness. I love what the colors “say”. I choose each one intently. They have meaning to me and in their relationship to the other colors I choose. I choose to paint with such bright colors because they remind me to live my life in living color—out loud and boldly, using my voice to speak up when needed. I must be the real, authentic me because when I do without fear, the world adjusts or so the phrase goes. Since my surgery and through all of my recovery, I’ve tried to live in bold colors. I have taken that phrase literally and chosen to even wear bright colors that make me feel joy. Like this painting, the colors represent joy and authenticity. If you’ve noticed, my abstract paintings always consist of lines, both vertical and horizontal. These represent our relationship with God and with others—the importance of those relationships in our lives. I think it is important to mention here why I always show images of my paintings along with the brushes and leftover paint. It is my way of letting you see “behind the scenes”. Also I think it is important to see the mess along with the finished piece. That’s the reality. Life isn’t meant to be lived perfectly. It’s messy and that is what makes it beautiful—the whole picture.
Just kidding. I’m not Snowflake Bentley, but I did capture these little snowflakes. How amazing are they? To think each one is different is baffling to me especially in a snowstorm like we’ve had here. Think of how many fall unnoticed, unadmired to join together with others or melt straight away. There is so much in nature we take for granted or never even acknowledge. May our eyes be opened and our pace slow down to take the time to admire what is being displayed wherever we look. My we notice with wonder and ponder the beauty.
I decided to use a book, that used to be my mom’s, for my latest sketching practice. I’m enjoying practicing, not to become perfect, but to become better at sketching which will in turn help my painting.
Sometimes in life we have choices. We can decide which way to go. Sometimes, however, our paths are laid out before us. No choices, no detours, no way to go but to walk straight forward, one foot in front of the other. That is what this bridge reminded me about when I walked here Friday. I had to walk over it to get where I was going. It was the only way. I’ve experienced this in real life in the last few months too. I must only walk forward. “Can’t go around it, gotta go through it” has been my motto. Only with my faith has this been possible. I can tell you that I’ve wanted to do some things differently or to skip things all together. That’s for sure, but that hasn’t been possible. I’m learning. Sometimes others know best. Sometimes going through has purpose, meaning and blessings too that would not be if I were going my own way or choosing my own path.
Thursday felt like the perfect day. I had been wanting to go running for some time. When I mentioned my desire to people, most just brushed me off as crazy saying I would get out there at some point. “They” never told me I couldn’t, so I did! So, I got Jack to take me to the local park, and I headed out while he waited in the Jeep. It wasn’t easy. I wasn’t fast. But I ran 1.2 miles. I might have done more. I wasn’t exhauated, but I knew I would be sore. It had been just 84 days since I had a 14 hour brain surgery and about a month since I ditched the walker. It felt good though to get back to doing what I love. I can’t wait to hear what my neuro- physical therapist has to say. I don’t think she thought it was possible for me to ever run outside again. I’m making progress, even if it might be hard to see in the mirror.
I have decided to start sketching. I never learned to sketch. I just jumped into painting. Painting does require that I underpaint which is similar to sketching, so I’m not starting at square one. I thought it might be good therapy and something fun to do that doesn’t require a lot of cleanup.
I love it when my pieces get framed and make it to the wall. This is a very special piece to me. I t represents our relationship with God and others. It is painted in the style of the Dutch masters who painted in similar colors—dark and light.
When I opened the front door the other day, this caught my eye so I snapped a pic. I couldn’t stop thinking about what it symbolized. I posted it on Instagram and continued to think about it. I began to think about how we always leave a mark when we have been somewhere. We can leave our mark for better or for worse. We can leave love and joy or sadness or frustration just to name a few. I want to be sure and always leave behind joy. How abut you?
It also made me think about how we can see evidence of beauty everywhere as long as we keep looking. Sometimes we need to slow down, and we always need to keep our eyes open. If you do, you can always see where He’s been. If there aren’t footprints, there might just be fingerprints.
I like this one because I’m always taking some kind of picture. And in this one, you can see one of my scar.
